Feedback Thoughts
Feedback!!!
Feedback yeah never really liked it if I'm being honest. I just always felt it to be something to be feared. I guess that came from my siblings picking on everything I did. I also think that it stemmed from school where if your answer wasn't right then you were wrong and at least I felt I should be ashamed of that. So I quickly learned not to try unless I knew the answer was 100% correct. I also had another thing holding me back that probably made me fear feedback and that was epilepsy I have spoken about my epilepsy on here briefly before, but I remember doctors saying they were going to "fix" me or figure out what was "wrong" with me with that tired yet sincere smile doctors have. To a 7 year old being told they were gonna fix me or that something was wrong with me didn't really phase me or at least I didn't think it would, but after a few years especially after I was re-diagnosed I realized I would often tell myself I needed to be fixed or I needed to fix this not change like everyone else I knew I would say "fix". So when it would come to a teacher or a friend giving me feedback on work or general stuff, I would get the pit in my stomach. I know you know what I'm talking about.
I remember once in art we were drawing abstract and my teacher told me I was doing it wrong. Yes abstract being done wrong I know. When I questioned him on this he grinded. He told me I was being to safe. I wasn't letting myself do what I felt I was looking at what others had been doing unknowingly to myself. I was so confused and I didn't quite realize how right he was not just for that class but also for life I would do what my friends would do because I was afraid of being told I was doing something wrong and I let people dictate how I lived. All because I was afraid of feedback I was afraid to be myself. I don't think I truly understood that art lesson till I joined TUD Blanchardstown. One of these pieces of feedback I actually got at a wedding from my Mam's boss who is a family friend hence why she was there 😂. The advice was "You have to stop living your life for others, I know you think it makes you happy but it's only a half happiness, live for yourself do the things you want, be the person you want to be and never apologies for that." I thought about that advice for a long time and my fear of rejection that had been drilled into me, battled that advice for a while but I got over it. In saying that I still get that pit in my stomach when I'm getting feedback but it doesn't feel like I could fall into it at any given moment anymore.
Make Good Art: Neil Gaiman's Advice on the Creative Life, Adapted by Design Legend Chip Kidd by Maria Popova
The link to this article is Link. The idea that you should make art anytime something happens and not just art but good art is a really cool one because it doesn't necessarily make you not feel the pain or whatever emotions but it helps you deal with it and get it out in a healthy way which a lot of people don't do. Also the fact it reiterates that if you don't make mistakes you aren't learning is actually amazing. I didn't think I was doing things right if I made mistakes but how else am I meant to learn.
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